Autumnsblogspot’s Blog

Autumn’s Birthday Bash Best Joke Contest – The winner is….

Posted on: March 20, 2011

Hiya everyone!

The judges for the best joke contest had a few too many Beef Martinis during the Birthday Bash and have been experiencing hangovers for the past few days.
That’s why it took them a little while to get the Best Joke Winners to me.

But I’m happy they had a great time and I can now announce we have our Top 3 winners.

First Place –  With 35 Likes and 25 Comments the winner is Nancy Guillory

Nancy Guillory - 1st Place

“HELP WANTED!!”

As soon as the airedale saw the sign, he knew it was the job for him! He grabbed it off the window & went inside. The receptionist was surprised, to say the least. Seeing that he meant business, called her boss and told him there was an app…licant waiting.

The manager saw how determined the ‘dale was, so he lead him into his office. The airedale followed, still holding the sign. As soon as he was inside, he put the sign on the manager’s desk, then sat & waited.

The manager, said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t hire you. The sign says you must be able to type.”

The ‘dale jumped up on the chair in front of the typewriter & began to type a perfect letter. He took out the paper & presented it to the manager. “But, but…you must be able to use a computer, too”, the shocked manager said.

The ‘dale looked at him a moment, then went over to the computer. He jumped up in that chair & proceeded to go thru various programs and produced sample spreadsheets & database for the manager.

By this time, the manager knew he was dealing with “not just a dog”, but an airedale, and had underestimated his intelligence & special skills. But he told the ‘dale, “although you have some interesting abilities, I still can’t hire you.”

The ‘dale looked at him, then went directly to the sign & pointed w/his paw at the sentences that told about “being an equal opportunity employer”.

The manager, said, “yes, but the sign says , also, that you must be bilingual”.

The airedale looked him straight in the face, and said, “meow”.

 

Second Place – with 12 Likes & 4 comments  the winner is Sue Higgins Taylor

Sue Higgins Taylor - 2nd Place

Q: What dogs are best for sending telegrams?
A: Wire haired terriers!!

Third Place  with 11 Likes and 3 Comments the winner is  Millie Oakes

Millie Oakes 3rd Place

So this man and his wife live in a bad neighbourhood and one day the man says to his wife “I want you to go to a pet shop and buy us a guard dog.”

So the wife goes shopping later that day and visits a pet shop. She asks the man at the counter if he has any potential guard dogs.

The man at the counter says “Well… I have this little scot…
The woman, not believing him asks for some proof.

The pet shop owner says “Karate that table!”

So the dog walks over and smashes the table into a million pieces.

“Karate that chair!”

The dog walks over to the table and smashes it into a million pieces.

The woman, thoroughly convinced, buys the dog and brings him home.

When her husband gets home from work, she shows him the dog.

“What the hell is a little dog like that going to do?” He shouts.

“He knows karate!”

“Karate my @ss!”

Congratulations to out top 3 winners!

–R U N N E R S   U P —

Evie Purviance – A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
The burglar nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard ‘Jesus is watching you.’Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. His flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.’Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’
The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
The bird replied, ‘The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

Leopoldo Crisafulli – What kind of dog likes baths?
A SHAMPOODLE!!

Danielle M. Kauffman Smith – How dogs are better than men
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they’re jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
10. Dogs understand what “no” means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Kerry Maple – During break time at obedience two Terriers were talking. One said to the other
the thing I hate more about obedience school is you will never use this stuff in the real world.

Tina Powell – Q: Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet.

Milly Lamb – What kind of dog can use the phone?
A Dail-Matian
What kind of dog would you find in a cave?
a Bat Terrier
Which dog is very obedient?
a Sit Bull Terrier
What do you get when you cross a small dog and a large boat?
a Ship Tzu
What did the hungry Dalmatian say after his meal?
“That hit the spots!”
Why are Dalmatians no good at “Hide and Seek”?
They’re always spotted!
What dog will laugh at any joke?
A chi-ha-ha
Where do the dogs go for the Macey’s Thanksgiving parade?
New Yorkie
What’s black and white and red all over?
an embarrassed Dalmatian

Peggy Clancy-Flyte – A girl was visiting her blonde friend who got two new dogs and asked her what their names were. The Blonde girl said they were named Rolex and Timex. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming their dog like that?” “Helloooo” answered the blonde, “They are watch dogs.”

Princess Olivia – What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?
A collie-flower !

Asta Kroon – a lady had an afwican pawwot and thwee tewwiews. the pawwot leawned how to call the doggies and say “coookie!!!!” “cookie” evewy time the tewwiews cam wunning and then the pawwot would say”hehehehehehehehehehhe”

Sally Novak – What do you get when you cross a honeydew with Lassie?
Answer: a melon-collie baby

Elliot Whitebear – A man went to the zoo, there was only a dog there……..It was a Shih Tzu!

Monty Lockhart – My dogs got no nose! How does he smell? Terrible!

Jack Daniel Ciccone – A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, “We’ve got such a clever Airedale. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.” Her husband replies, “Well, lots of ‘dales can do that.” The wife responded, “But we’ve never subscribed to any!

Keithy T Bear – What did dee hungree Dalmatian say… after his meal?
Dat hit dee spots!!!

Amy Sorvaag Lindman – Why are Dalmations no good at “hide and seek”? they are always spotted!

Doug Jones – What do you get if you cross a Deerhound with a Terrier…..a DERRIER a dog that’s true to the end.

Molly Martin – Man to dog trainer: “Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner.”
Dog trainer: “That’s OK, he is a Boxer.

 

They are all so funny!!  Thanks everyone for participating in the contests. I think we all had a great day!

Smooches from Autumn

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3 Responses to "Autumn’s Birthday Bash Best Joke Contest – The winner is…."

Autumn
Those wewe totally wondewful and I’d like to thank and congwatoolate al the winnews. youw pawty was the BEST! Evewyone giigled and ate and danced and celebwated you! that was the best
smoochie kisses
ASTA

Congratulations to the winners!
We thought all of the jokes were winners, Autumn!

Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch

Wanted to let you know that I sure enjoyed that Hartz bone. It was yummers!
XOXO-Hootie

Comments are closed.

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